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BAKER & BAKER
Family Lawyers
During your thirty minute complimentary consultation you will receive a free copy of the Ontario Divorce Handbook by Donald S. Baker, LL.B.
We ensure that all your questions are answered.
The Emotional Issues Surrounding Divorce
Barry Brown M.S.W., C.S.W.
The experience of divorce can be a devastating upheaval which is also embarrassingly public. There are a multitude of emotions that separated spouses must endure—disillusionment, sadness, profound grief, fear, intense anger—even hate. These emotions can happen sequentially or all at once.
Parents are often consumed with the feeling that if they can’t gain the upper hand over their spouse in their legal conflict, they may lose their children. Mediation with an agreed upon professional can responsibly assist both parents in cooperatively planning for their children.
During the emotional upheaval of divorce, clarity of thought is difficult to achieve. If you find yourself overwhelmed or depressed, don’t be afraid to seek help. The support of a skilled counsellor can be of immeasurable value.
The following are four emotional stages that are often associated with the process of separation.
Stage One: Emotional Turmoil
With separation, you may find yourself in a state of shock or disbelief, which can alternate with anger and fear for the future.
Stage Two: Anxiety
As you enter the legal fray, you hope the process will be fair. Anxiety often arises regarding pending meetings with lawyers and negotiations pertaining to your Separation Agreement. To feel fear about the process is not unusual.
Stage Three: Resolution
Once you have a separation agreement, there’s relief, a lessening of anxiety and new hope for the future.
In cases where there’s a mediated settlement, there tends to be relief on both sides, and a sense of accomplishment. In cases where litigation was pursued, there’s often a winner and a loser, so the winning spouse will feel elated and vindicated, while the other often feels crushed and resentful.
Stage Four: Resolve—But With Ongoing Frustration
As lawyers and legal proceedings are withdrawn from your life, there is awareness that the law cannot resolve everything. The law cannot regulate attitude or cooperation. You can separate and divorce as spouses but parents remain parents with ongoing responsibilities. The support of a counsellor may be needed to ‘fine tune’ your parenting plans.
As time passes your life will become more peaceful as you are able to carry on with greater calm and focus.
There is life after divorce.
Summing It All Up: The Best Advice for a Difficult Situation
Recovering from is a divorce tends to consume at least a year and usually two years of a person’s life. It is a very difficult time, and there’s no reason to make it worse than it has to be.
Divorce should be handled decisively and in a mature manner. In short, don’t go to war. Nobody wins but the lawyers.
It’s imperative that you retain competent legal representation. This means hiring a lawyer who will protect your interests in a way that leads to a satisfying and quick resolution.